Resolving Everyday Conflict

By Ken Sande & Kevin Johnson; Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books (2011); Reviewed by FENADES OBINCHU and STANLEY E. PATTERSON

This book is written as a guide to peacemaking in everyday life—turning a troubled relationship into a peaceful one. Ken Sande, founder, and president of Peacemaker Ministries, collaborates with conflict management specialist Kevin Johnson. Sande is a lawyer who chose to become a full- time conciliator as a means of moving beyond legal resolution of conflict via litigation to a biblical model of resolution leading to reconciliation.

 Resolving Everyday Conflict is a compact version of Sande’s primary book, The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict. Major tenets of this compact volume are derived from the original one. For example, the “peacemaker’s checklist” (from The Peacemaker) forms part of the questions for discussion and reflection.

The book suggests that the core of conflict is “I”—wanting things to be done my way, my wishes, my desires, and my needs. this core is drawn from James 4:1-2, which poses the question, “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires and battle within you?

You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight?” Resolving conflict is an act of discovering peace with one another, but it is also a means of honoring God by resolving the conflict selflessly, considering others first because at the core of most of our conflict is our desire to have things done our way.

In the authors’ view, conflict does not originate with humans; rather, it has its origin in heaven with Satan seeking to exalt himself above God. this was the “I” factor which led to conflict on earth. therefore, our basis for seeking peace lies in modeling God, who first sought peace and reconciliation with us through Christ and asks us to seek peace with others and him. the book is organized thematically around the subject of honoring God in our conflicts by revealing the reconciling love and power of Jesus Christ and putting aside “I.” Sande and Johnson’s approach is based on God’s Word and under this theme they present the “Four G’s” of resolving conflict:

1. Glorify God: how can I focus on God in this situation?
2. Get the log out of your eye: how can I own my part of this conflict?
3. Gently restore: how can I help others to own their contribution to this conflict?
4. Go and be reconciled: how can I give forgiveness and help reach a reasonable solution?

Though many tend to shun conflicts, the authors maintain that conflicts aren’t necessarily bad. Rather, it is our sinful nature and desires that can make conflicts destructive. In their view, when Christians learn to be peacemakers, they can turn the conflict into an opportunity to strengthen relationships, preserve valuable resources, and make their lives a testimony to the love and power of Christ.

The authors rightly hold that Jesus’ admonition to his followers to enjoy unity with one another is a sign that they are his disciples. although Christians should strive to resolve conflicts and be peacemakers, it can be argued that unity is not the opposite of conflict. the best argument for this proposal would have been Philippians 2:18: “Pursue peace with all people for without which no one will see God.” though conflict is always present, people can have conflicts and still work together as a unit. the pursuit of peace provides a reason to handle conflict in a biblically appropriate manner.

Unfortunately, the book provides relatively little help in regard to resolving everyday conflicts outside of the Christian context, since the authority that determines appropriate conflict resolution behavior assumes a high regard for the word of God. the audience addressed in this book is mainly Christian, or at least those who value the Word of God. Since conflicts occur among both Christians and non-Christians, it would be helpful to see how the principles highlighted in this book might be crafted to address conflict outside the Christian setting or between Christians and non-Christians.

We recommend this book as an introduction to the art of Christian conflict resolution and relational reconciliation. though Resolving Everyday Conflict is a compact and easy-to-read book, it provides a concise and convincing argument that the cause of most conflicts centers in self—my wants, my needs, my rights— without any regard for how we are honoring God by revealing the reconciling love and power of Jesus Christ. the authors maintain that the foundation of principles of conflict resolution and true peacemaking are to be found in the gospel of Jesus Christ, which brings his love, mercy, forgiveness, strength, and wisdom to the conflicts of daily life.

Fenades Obinchu is a native of Kenya and is currently a Doctor of Ministry student at the Seventh-day Adventist Theological Seminary at Andrews University.

Stanley E. Patterson is chair of the Christian Ministry Department and Director of the Christian Leadership Center at Andrews University in Berrien Springs, Michigan.